Matt McHugh

Geek Eye For the Gay Guy
(trailer script for new reality show)

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FOUR GEEKS walk briskly through a hall, turning sharply at 
each corner in military style.

                 V/O - GEEK 1
We are on a mission to help those who, through no fault of 
their own, can not help themselves.

                 V/O - GEEK 2
We all make lifestyle choices, but that's no reason to 
miss out on a whole part of living.

                 V/O - GEEK 3
The first time we did this, it was some guy in Tribeca who 
didn't even know what a Wookie was.  

                 V/O - GEEK 4
One by one we will change the world.  Watch out... we might 
be coming for you next, because we are...

The Geeks knock on an apartment door.  A GAY GUY wearing 
glasses with thick, black frames and a heavily gelled 
hairstyle answers.

                 GAY GUY

The Geeks push into apartment.  Freeze-frame, splash title 


                 V/O - GEEK 1
Our mission.  To bring the joys of the sci-fi, fantasy, 
and comic book universe to those unfortunates preoccupied 
with fashion, cuisine, opera, and old movies about 
alcoholic actresses.


Geek 3 going through Gay Guy's pantry.  Systematically 
throws out cereal boxes--Muselix, Oat Bran, Special K
--and replaces them with Cap'n Crunch, Fruit Loops, Corn Pops.


Geeks are going through Gay Guy's book/video shelves  
Geek 1 reads titles and the others yea or nay.

                 GEEK 1
Valley of the Dolls?

                 GEEKS 2,3,4
           (make game-show buzzer sound)

Geek 1 tosses book into garbage bag; gets the next.

                 GEEK 1
Biography of Calvin Klein?

                 GEEKS 2,3,4

                 GEEK 1
Judy Garland karaoke tape?

                 GEEKS 2,3,4

                 GEEK 1
The Illiad and the Odyssey?

                 GEEKS 2,3,4
Yeah.  OK.  Nice one, dude!

Geek 1 puts it back on shelf.  Gets next item.

                 GEEK 1
Martha, Inc. ?

                 GEEKS 2,3

                 GEEK 4
I don't know... she's kind of hot.  In a 
Florence Henderson sort of way.

                 GEEKS 2,3
Yeah.  OK.  We'll allow it.

Geek 4 holds a remote and points at a TV as Gay Guy watches.  

                 GEEK 4
Now that's Captain Janeway.

                 GAY GUY
Right.  I like the whole Katherine Hepburn thing she has going on.

                 GEEK 4
OK.  And that's Seven of Nine.  They're both on Voyager.

                 GAY GUY
Got it.  Voyager.  Captain Janeway and Seven of Nine.  
Now which one was hot again?

Geek 1 is showing Gay Guy how to work his new Tivo.

                 GEEK 1
So you're all set up to tape The Simpsons, reruns of 
Buffy, the Twilight Zone marathon, and an A&E series 
on the history of comic books.

                 GAY GUY
And Will and Grace?

Geek 1 sighs, looks to both sides sneakily, then starts 
reprogramming the Tivo

                 GEEK 1
            (speaking low)
All right, but don't tell the others.

                 GAY GUY
            (badly overemphasizing the phrase)
You are a totally righteous dude!

Geek 2 holds a remote and points at a TV as Gay Guy watches.  

                 GEEK 2
And the really cool thing is that while there's all 
this sexual subtext going on, Mulder and Scully never 
actually get together.

                 GAY GUY
Well, that's obvious.  Because he is, like, completely gay.

                 GEEK 2
What?!  What do you mean?

                 GAY GUY
Oh, puh-lease!  He's wearing Gucci loafers with a 
Brooks Brothers suit!

Geek 2 stares bewildered at screen as Gay Guy points.  

Montage of Geeks redoing Gay Guy's apartment:  Take down 
big Mapplethorpe poster and hang up a map of Middle Earth.  
Remove abstract marble sculpture from bookshelf and replace 
with Bobba Fett mask.  Stand up life size cutout of 
Captain Picard.  Gay Guy puts leather cap on it; Geeks 
shake their heads and remove cap.  Geek 3 sets up superhero 
action figures on Gay Guy's desk.  Gay Guy and Geek 2 
sneak up and lay the Superman on top of the Wonder Woman, 
then high-five each other.

                 V/O - GEEK 3
In the end, I think we were pretty successful.


Geeks and Gay Guy lounging sloppily on couch, eating 
snack chips from the bag, drinking beer bottles.  

                 GAY GUY
No way, dude!  Darth Maul could totally kick Darth Vader's ass!

Geek 4 quizzing Gay Guy.  

                 GAY GUY
Boromir was the older brother of Farmir who were the sons 
of Denthor who was the Steward of Gondor preserving 
Minas Tirith until the line of the Numenorean kings is 
once again completed when the heir of Isildur comes to 
claim the White Crown.

                 GEEK 4

They both stand and thump their chests in a Medieval salute.  

Geeks watch a hidden camera with Gay Guy sitting in a 
coffee shop talking with apparently gay friends.  

                 GAY GUY
Think about it.  The graphic novel is definitely the 
logical evolution for serious literature in a 
media-saturated culture.

Gay Guy's friends look horrified.  Geeks celebrate 
loudly with high-fives.

                 V/O - GEEK 2
But, we also learned some things as well.

Geeks and Gay Guy, all apparently drunk, sing "Somewhere 
Over the Rainbow" at a karaoke bar.

Geeks and Gay Guy stand together, variously dressed in 
sloppy flannel or sci-fi movie t-shirts, caps, Klingon 
headwear, etc.  

                 GEEK 1
Until next time, remember:

  (to the tune of "Close Encounters", with hand gesture)
YOU ... ARE  ... NOT ... ALONE!

Splash logo.  End trailer.

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